What We Did Not Know At The Time

December 18, 2021

This photo was taken one year ago, January 18, 2020 just before I had an MRI. The caption below it said: “Sporting my gingerbread ninja socks as I get ready for an MRI. They’re just checking my head to make sure I’m not crazy.”

Little did we know what was ahead. I don’t remember this being so early in the scenario. It would be two months before my behavior became so erratic that I wound up in the hospital. I was eventually diagnosed brain seizures caused by pharmaceutical errors that were exacerbated by the stroke. Judy had already been noticing changes in my behavior as early as late October. Apparently I had been having mini seizures over the course of months. The MRI did not show anything abnormal. Judy communicated this to the doctor a week or so before this photo was taken:

“I am very concerned about things that have happened over the past week or so. A number of times he has repetitively tried the same thing over and over (sometimes for 30 minutes, sometimes for hours) and can’t figure out what is wrong though it doesn’t seem to bother him. Examples: he was trying to post something to Facebook which he does on a regular basis, and couldn’t do it. He had done it earlier in the day without a problem. He kept clicking between 2 different places on his computer for hours. A similar example with the apps on the television, and also playing a video for kids at church. Something is not right, and I am very concerned as this has happened so quickly. I watched my mom with Alzheimers, but it was a very slow progression of symptoms. This seems different and sudden, but aspects are similar. Please let us know how to proceed.”

It would take five hospital stays and numerous psychotic incidents (including twice being tied to a bed by the hospital staff,) for the true nature of what was going on was discovered. Medicines are amazing, but when they interact poorly anything can happen. I’m just thankful they found the cause.The stroke help me empathize with the the physically disabled. This pharmaceutical induced mental health crisis has given me a deep appreciation for those who lose control mentally. I would not wish any of this on anyone, but I will say that my compassion has grown immensely through it all.

It has now been eight months with no recurrence. I am aware that my behavior and what I said hurt some people. I want to ask your forgiveness if that is your situation. I said things that under a normal situation would’ve never been said. I can’t undo that. I would love to say that I don’t dwell on unresolved conflict, but that would be untrue, I hate it. Just please know that I am doing my best to serve Jesus and love people and to understand that this is just a part of my journey.